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| So Joe thought that I believe I was being a comedian and ignorant by saying that his standards were below-average. No, I meant what I said with good reason. Now, before we start pointing fingers saying who's greater than who, let's set one thing straight: both Joe and I led different lives under different circumstances. We each went through a good amount of struggles with our respective families. After reading Joe's previous entry a couple of times, I analyzed that Joe was not defending his standards but rather the amount of work he's put into his life.
I'm not questioning what he's accomplished or how he's done it but rather where is his position in his life. I know for sure that we have different results and values that we each are aiming for because we were raised in different environment. When I took a step back and take a good look at the big picture, Joe's only a step ahead of me in life which is that he finished college but that's as far as I've seen him ahead of me. Did he put a lot of effort in his work in order to obtain that degree? Hell yes, he did because I've witnessed him on a small film compared to the rest of his work.
I don't feel insulted that Joe "feels" accomplished at whatever age he is or whether I don't put in much effort for school because both those facts are true but I definitely stand by my choice of words and beliefs that Joe has set his bar lower than what I've expected of him. To be honest, I'm rather disappointed because there must be more to his life than just to where he is. I mean, we both still live with our parents and our career isn't really booming. If had Joe seize a job that is more emphasized in his field, then wow, I'd be more than happy to agree with him that he has accomplished a lot but he said so himself to me that he's practically doing the same thing he was doing as an undergraduate... sit in a lab and stare at a monitor.
This brings up something else that's been lurking on my mind. After Joe missed his first flight back to Texas over the summer and stayed with me for the extra amount of time, we continued to search for jobs alongside one another. We even made a pact to apply at least two jobs a day to keep ourselves consistent and report it to each other with proof but yet when the second half of August comes around, he slacked off and eventually quit. Well, I don't know for sure if he did quit but I stopped seeing him keep applying to different places.
My biggest questions to Joe remain: Are you happy with where you are physically, mentally, and spiritually in your life? From my standpoint, we haven't made a name for ourselves so can you be satisfied with that? Has the world heard of Joe Choe yet?!
Take yourself to the top, Joe. With or without Rm83. I won't acknowledge you nor myself until we reach the top of the world. I challenge you to be the best film director in the world as I will become the world chess champion. Both our favorite hobbies will be our pride. This is a declaration of war, Joe... | | |
| 12 days until Joe returns to the root of Rm83. Even though it may seem like it happens once a year anyways, this year feels rather different. May it be that we're staying at a different hotel for AX or that we're one year older, it still feels more different than usual. I don't know about anyone else, but the first half of a year determines the other half for me. With that being said, I did surprisingly well in school this spring so, hopefully, it will carry on to the second half of this year and perhaps next year.
Oddly enough, I really believe that this year is going to be much more fun than the last cuz Cuong and I will actually be able to juggle school and fun at the same time and not have to leave Joe in the hands of the almighty evil, smiling Charles who will probably kill Joe in a car accident that's NOT caused by speeding. And, yes, Joe... we will eat at $1.99 for you to enjoy cheap food. | | |
| Ok, so I don't usually rant about much but this is pretty damn irritating. It may be trivial, but it's true. This is the first season that I actually watch America's Best Dance Crew and it's a good show, but as my friend Joe and I have discussed, the show is rigged. Well, Joe's the one that called it rigged cuz how the fuck does Saltare stay around for so long? They're don't even qualify as well as the other groups during preliminaries. They only got in cuz the producers thought it would be interesting to show something different. Being creative is one thing, but being talented is something else. Strike one.
And this is the thing that pissed me off the most: United States' image is such a hypocritical perception. You speak so highly of supporting justice and equality, but this show uncovers America's true colors. My favorite dance crew is Blueprint Crew due to the obvious reason that they're from Montreal, Canada, which is the place that I call my hometown. They outperform everyone and they've been put on the bottom two for the last two weeks. It's ridiculous. I'm sure most people don't vote for them is cuz they're from a different country with dumb statements like "This is AMERICA's best dance crew, why is there a Canadian team here?" Funny thing is that the term "America" refers to the entire western hemisphere, not just a single country so anywhere from North, Central, and South American should be able to perform and all the countries should have the ability to vote. Strike two.
Perhaps the reason why I hate my own shameful race of Vietnamese... they do well on supporting themselves, but that's all they know. Poreotics is a fun crew. I really enjoy watching their entertaining performance, but they honestly should NOT make it this far at all. Simple reason: they're from Westminster, CA, USA. Yeah... that's the second most populated area in United States by Vietnamese trailing behind the Bay Area, and I'm sure the Bay Area is voting like hell for them too. So that's so dumb how Viet people pretty much only voted for Poreotics cuz it's their own kind rather than seeing how well they actually perform. Now, I can't dance for shit but I know what good and bad dancing is. With past experiences such as Last Comic Standing and whatever that cooking show was recently. The moment Viet people see their own kind on TV, they mass vote for them without regarding of what the competition is about and how well that competitor performed their tasks. Supportive? Yes. Ignorant? Yes. Primitive? Yes. Strike three.
So after last week's episode, I was extremely upset so hopefully next week will be different. I am disappointed that Blueprint Crew and Jungle Boogie were on the bottom two because I believed that they should have been in the top two, followed by Hype 5-0 with Poreotics eliminated. Well, I really expect Poreotics to be kicked this upcoming week cuz they're purely terrible compared to the other two. | | |
| Like the title itself may state, I attract accidents to happen around me. Not only has everything I believed in shattered to countless pieces, but my spirit, which I have always been proud of for being uplifting, has been broken. What has happened since high school ended 5 years ago? How much have I grown? What have I achieved? The answer to all those questions: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing was completed and I'm still the same kid I was when I graduated high school.
I'm still ridiculously lazy, ignorant, and obnoxious. First and foremost, school... I don't even know where to begin because it doesn't even seem like it has begun at all. I look around me and realize that I'm a pathetic loser. Most people my age have already graduated last year and more of them this year. I look at myself... where am I now? I'm still in a community college and can't even transfer until at least another year. Community college is meant for those with no idea of what to do with their lives yet so they attend a low-cost school, people who are too busy with their lives and this is what they can do at the moment, and for international students who first came to the states because tuition is amazingly expensive for them. Worst thing is that I'm in none of those categories. Where does this put me? Lower than them all, that's what. I know what I want to do with my life, I have more than enough time to go to school, and I am a resident here. What excuses do I have that I'm still here? I'm still stuck at this stage that I should have completed three years ago. Three freaking years and I have gone nowhere with my life.
If not school, then work right? Yeah, not much to say to begin with. I have absolutely no experience in the field that I want to go into. I'm still stuck at the same workplace for the past two years. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful that I even have a job in this economy, but I know that I could do better. But at this point in my life, I should have began my career already, but instead, I'm barely making minimum wage and occasionally cold cash. It sounds great, but seriously... do I want to do this any more in my life? For the time being, I don't necessarily have that choice, but I could definitely get out of this problem. How? With reference to the previous paragraph, how about actually doing something in school?
I hold everyone back. My parents are getting older in front of my eyes, and I can't do shit to help them. At my age, they should NOT worry about me under the same conditions that they are doing currently. Hell, by now, I should be taking care of them, but they're still taking care of me at the age of twenty-two. They are the reason why I am so fortunate and I can't repay them. Yet again, this points back at school...
What's really bothering me is why do I suddenly care about how others feel all the sudden? I used to care for no one but myself and achieve. No... I'm simply making excuses of my laziness. Procrastinating and thinking so highly of myself has bitten me back in the ass. Who am I? Am I really who I always thought I was? No... I was a kid full of himself living in his microscopic world believing that he's king. Lately, incidents occurred and reminded me why I have failed so much thus far. Primarily, I am so damn proud of myself. And for what? Absolutely nothing. I have nothing to show off to people... no diploma, no qualifications, NOTHING. And yet, I walk around with my head held high as if I have achieved something so massive that I should be praised. More importantly, my pride endangers everyone and everything around me. It has taken me lower than I thought possible. Being humble... that's something I definitely lack skills in. The moment anyone throw the slightest insult at me, I'm going to burst at them. Apparently, being humble and my pride correlates with my failure. I FAILED to be humble to others by knowing my place. I've always told others to know theirs while I don't even know mine. That makes me a fat hypocrite. Heh, with that being stated, perhaps I should just stay silent more often if not close to permanently. My big, fat mouth has screwed me over in the ass over and over again so I believe it's past due that I seal it off. | | |
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